You Can't Always Get What You Want

Just in the last week or so I have taken to walking everyday. I give myself an hour or so in the hope of the sort of space that will allow me to reflect on the shape of my life. My i-Pod has taken each trip with me, set to shuffle, flicking through a library of eclectic sounds - quirky John Schofield jazz, old Paul Simon tunes, the recent Snow Patrol album, some Ray Charles and about 400 other bits and pieces. Basically the beauty of not knowing what's going to emerge next has somehow made sense.

Yesterday I wandered along Tahuna Beach which stretches for a mile or so beside Tasman Bay near Nelson, New Zealand. It's basically my back door and a pretty amazing place to hang out in. Looking North there's an uninterupted view of grey-blue sea hitting the horizon. Out West the sharp mid-winter sunlight was doing it's thing off the mountains, enough snow to make it look like the postcards, and the sand was shimmering with shallow, low-tide ripples. One of those moments where you'd expect to say, "It doesn't get better than this!" I wasn't having one of those moments.

I've been mulling over some of my struggle to find a working environment that seems to best fit with who I am. Currently I lead a team in a local church. I love the creative, thinking bits of what it involves - imagining the future, stirring people to dream of a better world. However the reality of facilitating people towards this on a daily basis has proven a real struggle to facilitate. I'm clear about my need to partner closely with others who have a different talent/skill set to me, but that obviously requires trust and a decent degree of emotional health to succeed. So wandering along Tahuna I was wondering what sort of shape was I in?

Right at that moment the dark, simmering grooves of "Rising Son", off Massive Attack's Mezzanine gave way to the slightly ridiculous choral opening of the Stones song "You can't always get what you want". I always think that Mick and Keef must have a chortle whenever they hear the po-faced seriousness of it. But, the way it moves into the folksy acoustic guitar swing and Mick's cool, country tinged vocal is just perfect. That line that goes... "I went down to the demonstration, to get my fare share of abuse..." always cracks me up and then the gospel vocals joining the choir and band absolutely cooking with shakers and conga's all going - it's just the perfect antidote to self-absorbed pondering. Finally the observation that although "you can't always get what you want, you might just find you'll get what you need" was just what I needed to hear - a prayer of sorts. I just ended up throwing my arms up in the air and having a good yodel on the chorus. Thank you God for the Rolling Stones and big expanses of beach!